It was like the forces lined up. I bought an old, “totaled” Volkswagen Dasher, for 140 bucks. Shortly after a friend of mine who had recently inherited millions of dollars asked me if i’d like to live with him, and spend 50 grand on whatever we please. I was washed up at the time, living in my parents’ basement, and the offer didn’t sound so bad. So in the “wee” hours of the morning i wrote my parents a note that was well written, but in the end declared that i’m off to go spend 50 grand.
Shortly after my arrival at my friends’ house we bought tickets to go to Maui. I did some grocery shopping, but found that it was a pointless task. We mostly ate out, and well. I was stoked. I was getting manic, taking ephedrine, and acting as my friends’ personal trainer. We had a membership at a nice club, and i recall the “ripped fuel” supplement making me a little crazy. Manic depression and ephedrine = fired up guy dancing around the parking lot of the gym, spewing motivational jargon like Anthony Robbins.
I would make pilgrimages North to visit Santa Rosa, where i had gained a reputation of “that manic guy,” but i was still appreciated by some. One night my friend Ludi, and I took a ride from Santa Rosa down through San Fran, freestyle wrapping to beats the whole way. I was driving, not knowing where i was going through South San Fran, while Ludi would steel the rap from me, and I from him. We didn’t hit one club, we just drove, and literally I had no idea where we were heading, but we eventually found the freeway and made it back to his house.
Back in Corte Madera, I recall waking up and saying to myself, “i am going to find myself today.” I walked out of the house and saw a young kid, and said to him, “what’s your name?” He replied, “Chris,” as i slapped him five. I went about my way but but stopped my feet and thought, “I said I want to meet myself today,” so I walked back to him. By this time he was with two other friends. They were all 11 years old.
Before you knew it we were on bikes and riding towards the mall. They wanted go-peds, and I had a bunch of bad checks to write. After a group meeting at the mall, we headed towards the go-ped store. On the way there Chris noticed that there way a synchronicity in the cop cars that we saw on the way to the mall, and on the way back.
After the go-ped store wouldn’t take my check, I told the kids about how we could build our own go-peds. At one point Chris said, “when are we going to cut down a tree?” Back at the housing community we swam, I met one of their mothers, and we barbequed. They all helped out with the clean up, doing their own dishes, etc.
On another night in the city, Ludi, and myself found ourselves at club Liquid. Midway through the night i took a break from the dance floor, and went for a walk down the block in the mission district. I recall some gangster talking about stabbing me. I had an extremely loud shirt on. It was bright red in color, and made of fabric that i haven’t seen much of since. On the way back to the club i ran into Clearance. He is a laid back, down to earth, jive brother, and he hugged me with out knowing me.
About 10 min later Clearance, Ludi and I were off to an “artist only,” underground party. I recall dancing around, and occasionally pushing my manic street preacher charisma borderline too far, claiming to folks, “i’ve only had one hit of pot.” I peaked out with regard to the “artist only” rule of the party, and went into the bathroom, and debated taking off all my clothes, and exiting the party as the “true” artist, making a deeper statement than the dj’s and people projecting film on the walls.
On the way home I had Ludi drop me off in Novato. It was Sun morning, and I felt compelled to attend a charismatic Christian church service. I was drawn to that church cause they would do the good ol’ head bop thing. Where the pastor bop’s the believer’s on the head and they faint, or fall, or something.
Across the street from the church i met a couple Mexicans standing by a pick up truck. I told them about the church, and the activities that take place inside. I believe i told them that I wanted to find out if it was all real, and planned to approach the alter. I then took out my wallet and slammed it on the ground. The contents of my wallet scattered. Cards, papers, etc. The Mexican guys picked up all my “life” documents, and proceeded to escort me to the Church.
I entered the church and found it empty. I found my way to one of the classrooms, and took a seat next to a window with a view. Not too much time passed before I was escorted out of the building. A young man told me that that church is not yet in service.
Back outside the church I found myself trying to make communication w/ crows, and a puppy dog being walked by some guy. I remember believing that the crows were connecting with me, and the guy had to drag his puppy dog like a corpse in order for it to give up on my stare.
I eventually struck conversation with some of the “early” church goers. I forget all what we spoke about, but I remember the younger gentleman telling me, “you better be ready for rapture.” One of the pastors walked by and said he’s off the work.
Later, i found myself in a classroom, eager to answer questions about God, when the door opened and I was asked to step out of the room. I found myself in another room being scolded by the Pastor, and questioned by Police Officers. I spoke about how ADD, OCD, BI-POLAR, etc, are all connected. After some time the pastor “dismissed” the Police, and assigned me to be watched over by a husky member of the congregation.
I remember absorbing the sermon, and agreeing and disagreeing with parts. I recall being very fired up. At the end of the service, my chaperon asked if I want to walk to the front. I recall “the apostle” not giving me the head bop, but the associate pastor coming toward me with his hand out. It seemed like we were chest to chest, swaying back and forth, before I fell. I was given a brochure saying, “now that you are saved…,” when I got up.
After the service I had a meal with some of the youth of the Church, back at their house. I was very tired. One of them was nice enough to drive me to Corte Madera, where I was staying. That night i stayed up staring at the shadows on the wall, watching them move and morph.
The morning after visiting the Apostolic church, and watching the shadows on the wall, i awoke to a knock on the door. Sure enough it was a cop. I was manic and told him so. He told me to show him my medication. I went into the kitchen, and came out with a bottle of tylenol pm, a bottle of kava kava, a bottle of wine, and had an orange balancing on my head. Shortly after I was in cuffs, and remember acting out a part of David Lynch’s, “Fire Walk With Me,” as I sobbed.
At the local “crisis unit” the man who received me was bleeding from his neck-ear area, which i though was odd. After filling out the paper work as if I was Christ, putting the Chris and T, from Thomas, my middle name, close together, I was escorted into a back room and shot up with haldol… tough stuff.
I woke up sometime later in Fairfield. There I was fed risperdal, and did the usual things: impressed the staff with my intellect, and understanding of mental illness, and got entertained by the other clients. One guy came in and when i asked him why he was there, he said, “just for a physical!” I asked him how he got there, and he said by an ambulance. He would go on tangents, and yell out, “I’m getting paid,” over and over, and would claim his stake in life which was that he worked security. In the back yard area he wanted me to act like his cigarette was a joint, and smoke it with him. Another guy in there laughed the whole time I was there. He must have seen or heard something reeeeeally funny.
After my 72 hour hold, I called for my friend Ludi to pick me up. By this time my buddy Yuban had dropped off my stuff, and my my trip to Maui, and spending 50 grand was in the dust. However I wasn’t trippin, I was still Manic, even through all the meds. Ludi allowed me to drive us back to Santa Rosa, and I recall putting a ding into his car as we pulled into the local coffee shop.
To be continued…
another two hospital trips, and more trips to the apostolic church to come, for this episode…
